getting into some serious picture perfect deutschland now.
but we were pretty damned lucky really.
we picked the car up, from the central train station (i know, train station for a hire car venue …) and i was pretty happy with our provision.
i just booked the smallest, crappest little euro box i could get on the internet and, thanks to some sort of blessing from the car god, Fordeus, we got a half-way decent model.
you had to pay like 90 euro for a gps
to which I declared, ‘bugger that’,
but when we got in the car – kapow – it has one built in.
and iphone/ipod capability.
this has made more of a difference than you think –
grinderman, you are our getting caught in the perpetual fog music!
anyway, it’s a small thing, but we gotta drive across a foreign land for a week, in the snow, so such things count for big blessings.
ok, next stop – fussen.
the land of the super-kitschy, neo-gothic monstrosity that is king ludwig’s castle.
this is the castle that walt disney nicked for his logo.
uber-schmaltz!
long story short – turns out it ain’t too bad.
not as kitschy as feared and, thanks to a ridiculously fragile, pint sized, yet cute, teutonic ancestral albino tour guide (insert quote “if yew loook to the riiight. yew will see ludveeg’s telephone … it’s quite niiiice.” – i know! a telephone! in the 1870s!), twas a rather marvellous insight into the european aristocracy’s final throw of the dice before the hellfires of social uprising tore through their ranks and they dwindled down to papperazi fodder for murdoch and his disciples. if you have no idea what kent is on about, don’t worry, neither do i. however, these castles were pretty fucking insane. ludwig’s bedroom alone was a frightful gothic woodcarving delight. also amusing to see tourists rush to the toilet room, which apparently had running water.
it’s completely impossible to capture the full effect of the sublime landscape. the towering mountains are at once sitting off on the other side of the valley while also bearing down from the heavens over your head. seriously mind altering stuff.
so, this ludwig dude, was like a bavarian king. how many kings this continent managed to squeeze into spaces little larger than the municipality of stonnington is somewhat bewildering. nonetheless, they seem to have a king for every 5 square foot of land. no wonder they fought all the time.
so, ludwig.
he was, as all the available imagery of him detests, a rather handsome chap. he, of course, paid for these images, so you have take that with a grain of salt. aside from that, he was great mates with richard wagner, and, importantly, a complete nutbox.
what can a tonne of money and six generations of inbreeding get you, you may well ask. sheer, unadulterated extravagance. so much flamboyance that it takes your entire life to build your house, only, you die before it’s finished coz the builders have to build giant fake grottoes on the 5th floor, a team of four wood carvers need 4 years to carve out your bed from the finest oak, and a set designer from munich is painting trompe loeill forestry into your personal singing hall. kent does not lie. there is a fake cave in the castle. it is quite amazing. complete with stalactites. it was (almost) worth paying the obscene fee just to see a fake cave on the 5th floor of a castle.
possibly the best thing about the whole castle tour, was the majesty of the natural environment. ha, just realised that majesty applies to kings and nature, but really, should only ever be applied to the latter.
slow clap for kent.
we managed to stumble into the mountains when the weather was damned near perfect. we had left over snow from recent falls but the sky was crystal clear blue. the air was so silky smooth it transited your larynx and oesaphagus like the gentle breath of angels.
(maybe ludwig’s grandiose pomposity is contagious!)
is anybody else vomiting? because i am.
our room in fussen. all I can say is, don’t worry guys, we did not in fact get murdered. even though the setting suggested we should have. got to the hostel, with a cheery sign saying “if no one is home, just ring this number from the phone outside!” we went inside (no locks) then inside again through a second entrance, and were halfway up a staircase when we thought … heeeh.
kent very abruptly said “ergh you booked it, you call!”
my first real foreign language test.
it was really way more like,
‘ok, sweety, you call, he has your name on the booking…’
lies. all lies.
Phone: “hello?”
Lucy: “eeeeeh hello … !”
Phone: long pause
Lucy: “eeeeeh … main nameh eeest … lucy james (bogan accent) … ehm … sprekken zie english?”
Phone: sighs … then yells “ABDUL!!! *indistinguishable german yelling* “Hello hello yes yes yes hello!”
Lucy: “hi, my name is lucy james, I have a booking for a room, eeeh eine doppelzimmer bitte?”
Phone: “ooooh mmm maybe oooh no no no.”
Lucy: “but I booked it”
Phone: “mmm maybe no, oh maybe I have … drie room”
Lucy: “I’m sorry? I don’t understand”
this goes on for quite some time, we then have to drive to a different building on the other side of town to get our bedroom with twin beds.
“Ah hello yes gutentag yes come in doppelzimmer you have doppelzimmer other guests have twin beds, you double bed all gut! Come come come! Yes your room, your key, yes, fill form, give to me sometime ok gut? Gut? Gut? Ya? Ya! Ok! Bye!” and after several hefty handshakes left us in our poky little penthouse, complete with said double bed, all the cleaning materials still in the bathroom and a fabulous selection of german language hollywood movies on VHS.
i sooo wanted to watch an old alec baldwin movie (in german), but we zonked it after a rather delicious traditional meal in town. wait, we have images…
ok, so lucy ordered ‘pototo dumplings’, yes, pototo.
anyway, it was ONE dumpling. but WHAT a dumpling it was. no doubt its mum was very proud. twas as big as a softball, no kidding. my uber dumpling arrived in a bed of arduino sauce. family members, you know what this is. it was amazing.
i had a rolled roast, drowned in gravy with, of course, the ubiquitous saurkraut. all washed down with a local bier – which all completely kicked ass. actually, literally, next day, it really did. (i think kent's being gross.) looking at that picture, i could so go my mega-dumpling again ... mmm ... gelatinous.
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